Rainbow Dance

A peculiar day, indeed. A strange phenomenon did occur. I rose feeling drab and bland that day. The week had been filled with bright and lively color of hope, but by the end of the week it had turned all bleak and dull. I lost all color and vibrancy in thought or desire. What was the use in believing in color when it always ended in colorless?

I did try to make myself feel better seeking out white. I thought possibly I could blend myself into a nice image of whiteness. I sought out my three colors to bring my impression of infinity trying to bring a smile to my face, but no it did not work. I was hoping to cause all hue and grayness to flee. No, I was left with three wonderful colors who lost their zest and took my last attempt for smiling.

Looking around at the white numbers on the computer glaring the date and time, mocking me with its brightness, I sighed heavily. I looked right at those ticking digits and said rudely: “Stop it! Go away!” It just blinked and waved at me with its light waves bouncing happily. Tapping at me with its summations.

I sighed a defeated sigh because what I had been longing for had not happened. Though I could not truly be sad because I was not sure at all what it was I wanted. I was searching for something, I knew that I had waited patiently for something. What was it? What was that burning color sensation stirring about in my bowels? What was awakening, but then pressed back down? What were those droplets that were defusing my Sun? Or what was that prism that continued to awaken those colors to me?

I knew the colors were calling, but they did not let me see. I had confused so many days thinking that they would reflect all of their life and transparency. Nope. Every time I started to believe, they were smite out with the contrast of gray, not a beautiful dark, rich gray, a dull barely any life breathing gray. The gray that no one talks about. The gray that pushes its way into the universe to force us to look at. That gray, who is an attention seeker, probably because it lacks any exuberance.

That mean, grumpy gray always sucking out the colors of life, actually it doesn’t even suck it out. It is too lazy for sucking, no, it just blots and oozes its way drowning out color. It takes over before anyone realizes it. One day they are a glowing shade of green, the next they have been swarmed in the swimming plain gray. Yes, gray was trying me. I would not let it. Why not? For a moment I felt like I should have just let gray blurb itself over me and swallow up my white.

Then, I thought that I would much rather be black than be that awful gray. I would rather absorb all light than have it a dreadful, boring, life-saddening gray. I pondered at least black is bold, it is dynamic, it is an opposite and contains a true opinion. It doesn’t try to seep up others and  be a blot to another color. Black is honest and direct, while this slothful gray is wishy washy and shoddy.

I finally realized what I was doing, I had been giving that spurious gray all of the attention it had been desiring. See that is how it works, it gets you thinking about how awful it is and how you never want anything to do with it, as it slowly creeps upon you. It ever so slightly eases in the more you get angry at it. It leaches its way in and before you know it you are bleeding with dull, lazy gray. You have been consumed in the very thing that you hate!

I was on to that gray slacker and I chose to ignore it. Instead, I decided that it was time to find something else to do besides waiting on my colors that never came. I was tired of expecting them to show up or not show up. The thing that I had been waiting for, but had no idea what it was. I convinced myself that the certain something was not true at all. I let it go and felt sad and calm. Still that hollow opening had a flapping door whistling a tune that right around the corner it would come. Oh, for heaven’s sake stop it already!

That is what I shouted to myself. It was too exhausting to believe anymore. The time had come to stop believing, stop hoping, stop desiring, just stop all the nonsense. Maybe I had created colors. Maybe they didn’t even exist. No one else seemed to notice them dancing about and being so brash. I was angry with them. I told them so. The day was spent telling off all the colors that I could think of. I was sick of all of their false optimistic spectrum of light seeping into my cone cells.

When I reached the very core of all my fears and all my anger and shouted at the top of my lungs: “You are not real!” I collapsed. I sank into the floor. I was a puddle of black. I consumed all of them and made them nothing. My droplets of angst swam the tiles that were once a gleaming white, now that lethargic, annoying gray. My flatted skeleton clanked as I pulled air back into my body because there was no way I was letting that awful gray take me over.

I went out to the garage to get the broom and mop to wash that vile sucker away. I dropped the broom, the sound echoed and bounced off the garage door filling me with an aching and occupied my hallowed bones. It hurt deeply, it mastered my mind with jolt. It forced me to cover my ears, close my eyes, and sink even further into an ocean of pain. As I curled picking up the broom a sparkle caught a glimpse into my retina. It twinkled and tickled and covered up the hurt that was swaddling me.

The tiny ray of hope flickered and touched my feet. I was exposed to a warmth that flooded my body. I was afraid and excited. Was it what I had been waiting for? Could it be the delight that was to reveal it. It! Whatever it was! Too nervous to open the garage door, I jumped back into the house. The splashes of gray tried to grab hold of my feet, but it could not stick. The ripples of the gray waters looked defeated as I pounced my way through its puddles. Shaking off the last droplets of that smoldering gray, I slowly cracked open the door.

My eyes burned with unexplainable pleasure. My heart dripped into a bowl of yellow. My soul raged into a rapture of red, and my mind was full of swimming purple. I could not stop myself from running out the door laughing, giggling, leaping, soaring onto the highways of rainbows. Rainbows filled the streets, the sky, the trees had rainbows peering through them. They were real! I sang in amusement and gaiety. My two lovelies bouncing off of each other my Sun and my Rainbows had come to me.

It was that! I had waited to see the life that lived that no one else could. I knew they were there, hiding. They waited and waited and I do not know why, but they are here now. The rainbows twisted and turned and spiraled their continuous spectrum of colors. My body could not contain the fullness of the awakening moment. My heart burst into flutters of red, orange, yellow, green, indigo and violet. My sevenfold wonders singing their songs, lifting my spirit to dance.

I swam on the rainbows, the sun splashed my face. The faces of flowers dangled happy glimmers. I jumped into dripping multicolored arcs that hugged me tight. The colors all murmured sweet tales in my ears. They shared with me the things that were real and gave me the hope to never doubt. Their simple poems drank into my soul.

Do not doubt dear little one,
the colors are always around.
We never leave,
we are so close,
if you doubt,
look to the clouds.
Seek out the moon who told you so,
let a raindrop fall in the Sun’s path,
set your eyes to the waterfalls,
and believe that we are at your grasp.

Thunderous pounding came crashing in, it was the drums of the sky. Gentle swaying of soft melodies were singing from the clouds. The birds all swelled and swam about to the unfolding notes that flew. I sang and kept dancing and asked them if Titan had rainbows too. They smiled, but did not answer. The vivacity of life came rushing back and held close all their reflections. Then, my being did a flip as I looked to the west and I saw, the most amazing dream. It was a wondrous thing, a fire rainbow winked at me. Beauty filled my eyes.

I cannot compare the feelings or day to anything ever before. All hope is restored, all belief revived, and jolly days fill my toes. At times that swindling gray tries to play, but it is not allowed. The tertiary and quaternary rainbows fight back. They make gray tremble and leave me be. And I even tell it to GO! With the world filled rainbows backing me up I can keep the sluggard at bay. I found my thing, the one I didn’t know, I knew it was there, despite. I grabbed tight to the reality I see, and my dancing feet flip and flop in my rainbow dance. No one can say they’re not real.